I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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