i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
