what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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