I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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