im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
