I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
