I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
