when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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