I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
