i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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