There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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