if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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