I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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