This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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