Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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