you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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