would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
