I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
