Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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