Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
