I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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