so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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