i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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