I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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