Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
