She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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