He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
