Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
