3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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