The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
