Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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