Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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