4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
