im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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