Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
