high people should be assigned attendants
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
