If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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