I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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