i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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