If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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