I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
