His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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