im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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