just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
