I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
