Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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