nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
