Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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