DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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