I want to stick my p in your. b.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
