Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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