So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
