The maid of honor just puked.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will be naked everywhere
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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