We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
