I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
