Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
