You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
