I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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