the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
