Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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