I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
