the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
