I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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