Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
