So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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