Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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