Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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