is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
