You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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