The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
