my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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