I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
