yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
