someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
