We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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