You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
