Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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