...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
