so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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