So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
