you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
