and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
