I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
